I really getting to dislike the school I am studying now. I have the strong urge to leave this school, however I had no way out for me. Is really pathetic. So uhhh? My fault to encourage her to quit school? Is the whole class opinions not just mine! I felt really damn angry over my teacher and the classmate. Is taking A level that important than your life? Then what if you failed to get your A cert? Would not it be more demoralising? I am a third party. My job to go school is only to gain knowledge and not just purely encouraging and helping you. That is my volunteering and not my responsibility, FOR YOUR INFORMATION! If we are still in the same class next year, let me get this ahead. I will not be sitting beside you. Is not that I am not helpful or whatever it claims, I just know I have alot of work for next year ahead. And of course that is a class problem not mine problem! I want to go JC JC JC JC JC JC JC JC JC. DAMN REGRETTED!!!! haiz... Hate school NOW!!!!

I am alright now. Thanks dear but also not for you also, because you do not deserve the thanks. Anyway I really love you, maybe now then I realise the power of love and the definition of love. =)

Here goes a list for 2007, wishing list probably you preferred.
1. New School Bag(another crumpler? sports bag?)
2. New MP3(iPod nano or the best is still a Video)
3. New Hairstyle
4. New me!!!!!!
5. New wallet
6. A debit card( hopefully by the time I reach 18th)
7. Running shoes
8. Sneakers
9. ermmm... A BRAND NEW SCHOOL
10. so far i only thought of such list... will update further.

Really looking for the new school of MI. I cant wait it. Seriously I do not really fancy the teachers over there except a few like Miss Ang(econs). I just think they do not have a passion for teacing unlike teachers over at GRSS. I especially disfavour this particular teacher which I weak at most. I need a tutor for GP... How???

Tears rolled down when i am writing this entry. I wonder what life has been for me. I really wonder? Who am I? I want to know what is my identity, and why I am living a life like that. Coping with him, coping with studies and coping with the girl.

Going to school now is no longer just going to school for knowledge, for me it might be another case. Beside going to school, I still have to take good care of Chai Yoke. She is nice girl, however she is very emotionally unstable. Once a week, she will tend to break down. This thursday when she broke down during the IRP period, I had to chase after her. Her visual is blurred and even not even clear. She is not a burden to me, but my emotion and mental just get disturbed. I suddenly felt so stress, real stress. I really cannot take it anymore. I seriously wish she just stop hurting herself. You know how it feels when you saw someone breaking down and start doing silly thing that you can never imagine? Cutting wrist, scratching her hand with anything is sharp? Has anyone experience it? NOBODY? I am really emotionally blocked. And I really cried during General Paper with no one noticed it. Is really disturbing for me to see her doing such thing. I just wish she can quit school, so she will not feel so stressed up. I am not her, I do not understand her illness, her anxiety and her way of thinkings. All I can do, is just to lend her shoulder and controlled her from doing stupid things.

Speaking about Eugene. I think I have to say sorry. I did not meant to hurt you. I am really occupied with workloads. A lot. One year and six months relationship? How strong is it? How happy is it? I never knows. When you need me, I was never there for you, vice versa. Time has changed both of us. We can never go back to the past. I have not been really happy recently. Even you might be laughing that moments, but when times past, will you still remember the joke? No one did. People somehow tend to have a better memory space for unhappy things. Somehow, I got really pain. I want to let go you, but on the other side, I do not wish for it. I really do not know. Really. We are no longer kids, yet we cannot make the decision. I know you want to change for the better for me. But what about me? What am I suppose to do? HOW? I really do not know. Something I have to admit is that recently I really did not considered or concerned how you felt. This whole week I had chatted less than 1 hour with you. I know you are dissappointed, BUT I REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO? Do you understand my situation, I need a direction! Not comments. I really need direction. I felt so tired dragging things. I am at the top of tolerance. If I really cannot take it, I will not want you and studies. I will just go out and work and be a singled. No one understands, because there is no one same as I do, have the same character, same mindset and same situation. I am breaking down, battery running flat. Stop pushing things and blames to me. I have enough! This few days I have always been crying in my bed, thinking and reflecting everythings that we done. My hearts do hurt! Though I have been emotionless recently. And it hurts to hear you hurting yourself. I really do not who I am, what am I doing?

I just realise I have not been living good, never ever. And is just that i realise i really sucks like hell. I am damn emotionless. Even I get upset if I and my bf break off, but i think I cry is not because I am sad, I cried probably I want a revenge. Evil mind has always popping in my mind, is really always. Once anyone makes me unhappy or go against my way, I just hoped that killing is not death crime. I am violent, yes i am . I am cruel, yes i am really am. I ill-treating my hamster when they could be better off under Dear's care. I SUCKSSSS.. Most of my hamster under my torture somehow dies undersirably. God, Can You Just Punish Me for What all EVILS I had done? What I saw simply TRAUMATISED ME!

Well, is really time to update. 08/08, Dear and I went to watch firework over at Esplanade, nice firework. I really love the overall firework especially the last part was really something so real infront of you.

This National Day holiday is not meant to be a holiday for me. I have to finish off all the chemistry tutorials and assignments. After the celebration still have to stay back for extra lesson.

There is something I really feel like blogging about. Okay, I have this close friend who are visually handicapped. She is not totally blind, she still can read words but she need extra time and also the wordings must be big enough for her to read. I must said she is really hardworking. However she gets to break down easily. Once she does not understand the subject, she will start to hurt herself using whatever thing she can get hold of. If I am not wrong, she has been hurting herself almost once every week. Is really scary to see someone break down, really. She will cry and start scratching her hand non-stop unless someone stopped her. I am usually the someone to stop her. Everytime I have to console her and grap hold of her hand so that she can stop doint it to herself. I cannot blame her to do so, because one reason is that she is suffering from anxiety. I really wish I can help her to relieve from her anxiety. She is someone really special.

Actually I have really alot of things to blog, however I am just simply lazy to type out everything. Okay I shall stop here